Tomorrow is the first appointment with the new therapist.
This week has been fraught with skirmishes, minor arguments, and snark.
And so much alcohol. Alcohol to the point of obliteration some nights. Despite saying I would never again rescue him from drinking, I did try to wake him to go to bed when he was passed out cold at 2:00 am. What a mistake that was. Seriously...never again.
I'm trying to keep occupied and positive to avoid being drawn into any more disagreements before we even get started. But I am feeling an overwhelming sense of dread instead of the hope that I had last time.
This time I don't want to be in the driver's seat. I don't want to be the one doing all the talking, all the crying, all the feeling like shit. Initially I will sit quietly and say what I need to and nothing else. I can't establish a dynamic that has me splaying my emotions all over the place while he sits passively and watches. No, not this time.
It doesn't bode well, does it?
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