Prelude

An appointment has been set for October 6th with the new therapist.  We had phone interviews with two therapists last week and chose the one who had the most action-driven approach, as well as the most experience.  I don't think this therapist will allow us to fall into the same trap of endless discussion without any clear plan for improvement.

I've been trying hard to remain positive.  It's not easy sometimes.  There's no evidence to support the idea that he'll be engaged and accountable in the process, so I've got to believe that he'll do something he's never done before.  He's been drinking even more lately, which doesn't help things.  The alcohol makes him argumentative or unavailable emotionally and otherwise.  He said some really hurtful things about my career development that he later took back after I confronted him on it.  It makes it hard for me to want to share things with him now.

As for me, I've also got to do things I've never done before; I have to allow him to feel the consequences of his inaction.  When he was confronted with the anger I had with myself over believing him, he still wanted for me to make it okay for him.  He wanted me to let go of that and not make him feel bad for it.  And stupid me, I did just that.  I let it go and allowed his actions to have no repercussions.  That's one thing I have to remember not to do.  And if he's drunk and says or does destructive things, I have to let him feel the consequences of that, too. 

I also need to be much more mindful about making plans and choices for myself without deferring or denying my options.  There are so many things I've wanted to do but didn't... not because anyone objected, but because I gave them up needlessly to put others first.  That really has to stop.  If I don't put myself first, I cannot expect anyone to consider me at all.

I've got to get me right before I can get anything else right.