Blue

In our last session, I brought up that I'm still struggling with anger.  I was able to describe the feelings of despair and hopelessness, the negative impact on my self esteem, and what it was like to live with an alcoholic who was checked out emotionally for the duration of our relationship. 

And for the first time ever, I was heard.

...and then asked to leave those feelings there at the office until we can work on them in a subsequent session.  Which doesn't occur for another week and a half.  I suppose it's no different that usual...I'm quite used to the compartmentalization and denial of my feelings.  Another week or two won't matter much.

We still have the homework to have intimate time each day, but I'm finding that it often gets overlooked.  We've been given the go ahead to progress to the next level in the homework...sexual touching, but not actual intercourse.  Since the last session that hasn't happened.  I think we're falling back into some old habits of neglect, and I'm trying to turn that around now.  But I can't do it on my own, and right now it feels like I am.  Despite not drinking, he can find other things to fill the space and time to avoid being present and accountable.  I get the feeling that I'm losing him again. 

Tomorrow we go away for the weekend.  This will be the first sober trip ever.  I'm trying not to attach too much expectation to it and just enjoy it.