Drop kicked by life

Check the date on the post...it hasn't been two weeks since I posted, it's been a year and two weeks.

After that last entry, I knew exactly what I needed to do.  

I needed to end my marriage.  

He needed to leave.  And I needed to quietly make arrangements for that to happen.  One of the first things I did was visit my adult daughter in a city about 2 hours away to tell her what was about to happen, and why.  

But I never got to have that conversation.

Instead, I was in a car accident that resulted in a traumatic brain injury that stole my life.


Since that day, I've lost my cognitive abilities, my independence, my career, and nearly everything that was important to me.  The last year has been a blur of pain, rehab, therapies of every sort, confusion and isolation.  I'm trapped in this nightmare existence and no one knows if I'll ever recover.  
I used to be a vibrant, independent, highly regarded career woman with limitless potential.  I excelled at anything I did, and mentored others to excellence.  Now, I'm a woman who needs to sleep 12 hours a day, cannot follow directions or travel alone, and lives in a constant fog of pain and confusion.  I can't even understand the job responsibilities I used to have, never mind perform them. I lost my job, and am considered permanently disabled.

At first, my husband responded to this by being a doting caretaker, but that grew tiresome pretty quickly.  Within a month, he took a new job out of state.  He'd go into work early in the week and stay in a hotel for a few nights before returning at the end of the week, leaving me alone to fend for myself most of the time.  Weekends, he'd go off for his race activities.  Who does that???  Who leaves a brain injured woman alone for days at a time?  I was a high risk for falling because my vestibular system was badly damaged and my vision was impaired.  I had severe migraines and took several medications (that I was always screwing up).  I forgot to eat and drink.  Most of the time, my only meal was at the outpatient rehab cafeteria.


I hadn't changed my mind about ending the marriage.  Even though I was unprepared and extremely vulnerable, I still wanted out.  After a couple of months, I suggested his new job out of state would be a good opportunity for him to move out, but he didn't.

Instead, it was a wake up call to him that even in my severely injured state, I was better off without him...and he decided to get serious about making changes.  

I didn't believe him.  I had no reason to.