Life on Jupiter

The last session was probably the most revealing hour I've ever spent.  

At the beginning, I simply kept my mouth shut and let him explain why he didn't do what he said he would do...agreed to do, even when challenged...promised he would do.  It rang hollow, and not just for me.  There was simply no valid reason for it, and there were no attempt to discuss any changes in expectations with me during that time period.  

He simply changed the rules again.

He thought it was okay to do that.

It wasn't.

I said little, but stated once again that this is a pattern:  when it comes to me, he breaks his promises, or half-asses whatever he agreed to.  I'm Charlie Brown to his Lucy with the football, believing him every time that this time is different.  

What really is different now is the increasing use of gaslighting. He now denies things he's said or done, or refers to conversations that never happened.  I'd believe I was losing my mind if I haven't already been through this before in my life with someone far more skilled than he at spinning the truth.

Here is the real truth:  He isn't trustworthy with me, in stark contrast to every other area of his life.  At work, he is the golden child...the rainmaker...who delivers far about everyone's expectations.  In competitions, he consistently pushes himself to improve on his already top percentile performances. And at school, he's a 4.0 GPA Dean's List student.

So who is that guy in our marriage who can't be counted on to do even the smallest things he himself agrees are reasonable?

A really good question, isn't it?  And one the therapist asked as well.  His response says it all:

"I don't recognize that person you're talking about."

...and then, somewhere deep inside me, something broke into a million pieces.