The bottom line

It's now several weeks later.  Much has happened, and much is still the same.

We did return to therapy...and as predicted, he was not prepared with the list assignment given in the previous session in December.  I believe I made myself clear when I said I was done with the foot-dragging, obstruction, and lies.  The next week he did show up prepared.

We started working from those lists, first with how we hurt each other.  All my items in that list formed a theme:  his behaviors prevent me from getting what I want and need.  His item was that I didn't prioritize him.

I've come to understand that he is refusing to deal with conflict, and punishing me instead in many different ways.  Breaking promises.  Half-assing things I need him to do.  Doing things I want, but making sure I never get exactly what I want.  Disappearing emotionally and physically into drunken oblivion.  Withholding sex, and/or making sure that I am not satisfied.

It's all the same thing:  he ensures that I NEVER, EVER, get what I want.

That's NOT okay.  My expectations are entirely reasonable.  

I swear by all that I hold dear that I will never again allow it to happen.
  
I will not be punished for his inability to deal with his own emotions. 
I will not be punished for having reasonable needs and expectations.  
I will not accept or work around his obstructive behavior.
I will not bear the consequences of his behavior.
I will not be denied the things I need.
I will not keep his secrets and live his lies.
I will not waste another minute of my life waiting for him to change.

From now on, it's about me.

I will get what I deserve.